


All You've Got

by Jasons_bamboozlement



Category: DCU
Genre: Brothers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stand Alone, fear toxin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-18 03:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11282910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jasons_bamboozlement/pseuds/Jasons_bamboozlement
Summary: Jason has been absent from the family for a while. But one night, he asks for one of the other Robins to join him on patrol. Is this his attempt to rejoin the family or is it a trap? And will one disastrous night destroy everything?





	1. Chapter 1

Dick couldn’t believe his ears. Had that actually just come over the coms? “Say that again, Red Robin?”

“Red Hood said he’s patrolling near you tonight and requested a joint patrol,” Tim sounded a bit out of breath; he was probably in the middle of a fight. 

“But, why?” Jason wasn’t exactly on speaking terms with Bruce or the rest of them, although no one actively tried to spurn him. “He’s never done that before,” Dick started making his way to the coordinates Tim had sent over, all the same.

“I don’t know, Nightwing. Ooof!” Tim had definitely received a blow, probably to the midsection based on the sound of it. “I’m slightly-urgh-preoccupied here. Can we have this discussion later?”

Dick scolded himself for distracting Tim. He shook his head, “Sorry, Red, I’ll handle it. Thanks for relaying everything.”

He heard Tim’s quick, “Stay safe,” and then the com clicked off. Dick made it over to the warehouse that stood on the coordinates Tim had given him. He landed agilely on the rooftop and looked around carefully. Jason hadn’t been openly hostile to anyone on their team in over a year, but Dick still planned to treat their meeting with caution. 

“Lovely night for patrol,” the voice came from Dick’s left and he spun towards it. Instinctively, he fell into a fighting stance and reached for an escrima. Jason walked slowly out of the shadows, holding his arms up in a compliant gesture, “Easy there, Wing. I’m just here for a patrol. We’re on the same team.”

Dick mentally knocked himself upside the head. The way to start a dialog was not to instantly jump into a defensive stance, no matter how cautious he was planning to be. He came out of his stance and replaced his escrima. “Sorry, Hood. Habit,” he said with what he hoped was mollifying smile. “Tim said you wanted to patrol together?” He crossed his fingers that his skepticism didn’t show through. 

“Yeah, I was in the neighborhood.” Jason shrugged, “Thought I might as well grab a partner. Buddy system and all that.” He leaned against the ledge, completely at ease with the whole situation. 

Dick was still suspicious of Jason’s motives, but was trying not to push his buttons too quickly by letting him know. “You know the rule: No killing. I can’t allow you to patrol with me if you’re not going to abide by it.” 

Jason leisurely pushed off the wall. “First off, we’re patrolling together. I’m not your sidekick, so you don’t ‘allow’ me to do anything.” He reached under his jacket. Dick made a subtle shift in his weight, ready to move instantly. Jason caught the shift, “Jesus, relax. If I wanted you dead, I would have booby-trapped the roof.” 

Dick was fairly certain that was true. He forced himself to soften his posture. Jason took notice, “As I was saying,” he pulled his hand out from under his jacket and produced a gun, “I’ve even packed a non-lethal set for tonight.” He held it out for Dick’s inspection. 

Dick took it and confirmed Jason’s statement. He handed it back, “I’m impressed.” He watched Jason holster the weapon. This was not at all Jason’s usual MO, but Dick was secretly starting to hope maybe his renegade brother was becoming less renegade-esq. 

“Thanks,” Jason said. “Although that’s just one set, the other two pieces are not non-lethals.” And there went all of Dick’s briefly conceived dreams of reintegrating Jason into the family. His face must have been readable. “Don’t worry, Wing, I promise only shoulders and kneecaps while we’re out together.”

Dick still wasn’t pleased with the idea of Jason shooting people, but as long as he kept his promise to follow the rules, Dick had to admit he was curious about whatever Jason’s deal was. He held out his hand for Jason to take, “Okay, it’s a deal. “

Jason shook his hand, “Deal,” and the two began working on a plan for the night. 

It was a simple job; Dick wasn’t actually sure he had been necessary. Still, it felt good to be out on a joint patrol, even if he had spent a good portion of it checking over his shoulder to make sure Jason was abiding by his promise. 

They’d been down at the docks handling a drug exchange. There were four burly men barely trying not to look suspicious gathered near a darkened corner of the docks. From the looks of them, these were not your average thugs; someone had trained them. It wouldn’t be impossible to subdue them, but it would present a bit of a challenge. One they were both ready for. 

“Two a piece?” Dick asked, slightly mischievously. Jason nodded as he did one last check of the gun in his hand. 

Dick leapt into the middle of the group, always happier to go on instinct rather than large amounts of planning. He heard Jason join him soon after. They fell into an easy rhythm, guarding the other and, alternately, giving space when needed.

Dick finished his pair first. Jason had one thug down and looked to be wrapping up with the second. But this one must have been the leader, because he truly was putting up a hell of a fight. Dick considered helping for a moment, but figured Jason would just shove him out of the way. So he opted to finish tying up the rest of the group and wait for Jason to finish. 

Jason’s yell caused his head to jerk up. Dick couldn’t tell if it was surprise or pain. Somehow, the guy had gotten a hold of Jason’s arm and was using it to pin Jason to the wall. Either Dick had missed Jason taking a serious blow or something else was going on. Because even though it was an easy pin to escape, something they’d trained for many times, Jason’s body screamed distress. 

Dick sprung up to help. But by the time he got in range, Jason had rallied and was delivering an exceptionally vicious head butt. Three more strong hits and the guy went down. Dick quickly secured him and then stood up to check on Jason. 

He was panting heavily, and Dick was certain it was not from the physical exhaustion. He went to put a hand on Jason’s shoulder, “Hey, you okay?” he questioned.

Before his hand could land, it was knocked out of the way. “Back the fuck off,” Jason growled. It was too dark to tell, but Dick thought he might even be shaking slightly. 

“Hood?” Dick tried again, wishing he could use Jason’s actual name. “What’s going on?” He watched Jason roll his shoulders a few times before he turned to face Dick. 

“I-it’s nothing,” Jason said haltingly. 

“Look, if we’re going to patrol again, I need to know if something’s going on. Not everything,” he added quickly when Jason let out an annoyed huff, “Just some basics. Like, maybe,” he didn’t know how to phrase it without making Jason feel weak, “any triggers to look out for?”

Jason stilled, mulling over Dick’s request. “Restraints,” he said after a few moments. 

Dick was a little shocked Jason had acquiesced with so little prodding, but was grateful. “Okay, I can look out for that.” He weighed his next words, “Thank you for telling me.”

“Anything you want to get off your chest? Share with the group?” Jason’s tone was only half mocking. 

“I don’t like to be held around my waist.” He said without hesitation. The least he could do was share the same openness Jason had. Jason cocked his head to the side but Dick held up a hand, “Just the basics, remember?” He saw Jason shrug and turn to finish up what needed to be done for the job. 

 

Two weeks later, Tim received a similar request from Jason. “How did it go?” Tim inquired. 

Dick shifted the phone to his other ear so he could more easily lay out his uniform, “It went fine, surprisingly. He followed the rules, stuck to non-lethal shots, and was all around not a complete ass.” Dick had spent the entire patrol waiting for something, but nothing happened. The patrol went fine, and if Dick was being completely honest with himself, he actually enjoyed having Jason in the fight next to him. 

“Nothing happened? No one ‘accidentally’ got in the way of a shot?” Given their history, it was reasonable for Tim to be extremely cautious where Jason was concerned. 

“Nothing. He was on his best behavior. If he hadn’t been swearing up a storm, I almost would have thought it was a body double.” Dick could tell Tim was wrestling between prudence and curiosity. “If you’re not comfortable with it, you don’t have to go. But I’m telling you, it was fine. He even brought a set of non-lethals.”

That seemed to clinch it, “Okay, I’ll go. But he really should keep his language in check when he’s out,” Tim said. 

 

It became almost a routine after Tim’s successful patrol. Jason would send over coordinates, the brother that was closest would set out and do a joint session with him. Damian was still patrolling with Bruce, so it was just Tim or Dick answering the request, but Dick didn’t mind. Jason was slowly integrating himself back into the family, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and Dick was enjoying every minute of it. 

He had been devastated when Jason had willing rejected the family after his resurrection. But now, it was like they were truly brothers once more. Tim had even started a swear jar in the hopes of curbing Jason’s vocabulary. Dick was skeptical it would work, but it was amusing to see the jar’s growth progress over just their short amount of time together. 

 

This night, it was Dick who’d answered Jason’s request. Bruce had been called out of town, so Tim was already patrolling with Damian. Dick reached the designated rooftop and spotted Jason holding a pair of binoculars. “You really should think about investing in a different shampoo,” Jason said, still observing the windows in the next building, “It’s so damn strong, I can smell it before I hear you.”

Dick put on a shocked face and lifted one hand to his head dramatically, “How would I survive? These precious locks need the rejuvenating assistance of passion flower and lavender!” 

He was certain if he could see under Jason’s hood, he would find a smile creeping onto his face. “Okay, fine, keep your silky, but very fragrant hair.” Jason handed over the binoculars and switched to his focused, patrol voice, “Third floor up.”

Dick took the binoculars and found what Jason was indicating. A group of about twenty men were packing up and moving boxes. “What’s the story?” Dick asked. 

“Tommy LeToi’s men. Small town smuggler, but those boxes are filled with new arms tech,” Jason pocketed the binoculars when Dick handed them back, “and I don’t want to see it end up in the wrong hands.” He shifted his feet in an anxious way, something that was uncharacteristic of him. 

“Something you’re not telling me?” Dick kept his tone light, but continued to scrutinize Jason’s posture. Jason turned to face him, but said nothing. Dick cocked his head, waiting for a response. 

Jason let out a small huff, “Fine, you nosey jerk,” he crossed his arms, “the rumor was the tech is headed to Joker.” Dick watched a wave of tension ripple through him at the mention of the villain’s name. 

He reached out to put a hand on Jason’s shoulder, “Hood, it’s-“

“It’s nothing,” said Jason, shaking off Dick’s contact. “Let’s just get this over with. I’m tired, and I know you’ve been pulling double shifts since B went out of town.” Dick could tell the conversation was over. Jason was stubborn on his good days, but try to get him to open up about his past and he’d become a proverbial lockbox. 

They discussed strategy for a few minutes. Because of the open layout of the warehouse, a stealthy take-down was out. They opted for a more direct approach of simultaneously bursting through the windows, instead. 

The criminals stood, shocked by the commotion. Only after Dick and Jason had taken down two apiece did the rest of the group rouse themselves into action. 

They were hardly trained killers, but even so, Jason seemed to be struggling. It was clear from his stiff fighting that he was preoccupied with the alleged recipient of the materials. After watching Jason barely dodge a blow, Dick decided it was time to distract him for the better. 

"Is that all you've got?" Dick called as he swung around to kick another perpetrator in the mouth. 

Jason rose to the bait, “Please, I’m just getting warmed up.” He shot one thug with a rubber bullet while blocking a second guy and dealing out a retributive blow. 

Satisfied as Jason’s movements smoothed out, Dick let out a whoop of approval "Last one to finish, buys dinner?" he said, launching an escrima stick at one of the thugs. 

"You're on!" 

 

The two vigilantes were working on tying up the unconscious thugs; the Red Hood grumbling about not being able to off at least the leader of the group, when it happened. Between Dick’s quips and goading, a single criminal had escaped both their notice. He stepped out from behind a support beam and took aim at them. 

Jason, his back turned, was too preoccupied with his complaints to notice. Dick saw it a moment too late. "No!" he yelled, trying to launch himself in the way of the assault. It did no good, the tranquilizer landed directly in the very limited amount of exposed skin at Jason's neck. 

Jason collapsed almost instantly. The perpetrator seemed to realize his mistake of not having a retreat plan. He stood gaping as an almost feral Nightwing bolted into him and kicked him unconscious. Securing the scum with unnecessarily tight restraints, he ran back over to Jason. "Hood, can you hear me?" 

Jason's body was lifeless. Dick desperately searched for the catch on Jason's helmet. When he found it, he removed the mask and quickly brought his ear down to Jason's lips. "Still breathing. Good, just keep breathing for me." Dick said, almost to himself. 

With effort, he hoisted Jason up until he was draped over his shoulder and made their way back to his apartment. Dick had strength, but Jason was still heavy. To make matters worse, they’d arrived by grapple, so Dick was going to have to go on foot, at least until some help arrived. 

“Red Robin?” Dick said tapping the communicator in his suit. 

“I’m here,” came Tim’s voice, almost instantly. 

“Hood’s been hit. Some tranquilizer. Can’t identify it without equipment,” Despite his training, Dick’s breath was starting to shorten with the strain of carrying Jason. But they’d be sitting ducks if he set him down and waited for a ride. Besides, the manor was so far away that in the time someone reached them, he could have made it to the apartment. 

“I’m five blocks away,” Dick could hear the roar of a bike come through the com, “I’ll be right there.”

When Tim showed up, Dick wasted little time. “Here’s the dart,” he said handing it over, “Try to identify it as quickly as possible and find an antidote, if needed.”

“But what about Red Hood?” Tim indicated Jason who was still over Dick’s shoulder. “Let me help you get him home first.” 

Dick shook his head, “No, knowing what we’re dealing with is the top priority here. And I’m not taking him back to home base, just to my apartment.” Tim tried to raise another protest, but Dick wouldn’t hear it. “He won’t fit on the bike like this. I’ve got this, Red. Trust me.” And before he could change his mind, Dick turned and continued towards his place. 

They finally arrived and Dick had never been so relieved to see his building. With his endurance running low, he made the climb to his apartment. He managed to lay Jason down on the bed and then took a seat on the ground. He felt bone-tired, but with an unknown substance in play, protocol required him to stay awake and observe Jason until help arrived. 

 

It started out as a whimper which quickly grabbed Dick's attention. Had Jason gained consciousness again? But his eyes were still closed, now scrunched tight in pain. Dick watched in horror as Jason's form began to thrash. His whimpers gave way to pleads of "No". 

Dick ran to Jason's side, hands fluttering uselessly over Jason's body, trying to decide if he would need to restrain him. When Jason nearly flung himself over the edge of the bed, Dick knew he'd have to hold him down. Reluctant to do it, knowing Jason’s feelings on restraints, Dick leapt as gently as he could on his predecessor and pinned him down. 

It was like a switch. Jason's pleas turned instantly to screams, pure terror issuing out of each one. Dick hated himself for being the one to cause Jason to react like this. But until he had a better way to restrain him, this was what needed to be done. He leaned down to whisper in Jason's ear "It's just me, Jason. Please, I wouldn't hurt you. Please come back to me." Dick pleaded, not sure that it would do any good. 

Jason screamed himself hoarse, before the terror finally started to subside. When Dick was sure the nightmare had passed, he removed himself from Jason's prone form. He could see the bruises starting to form on Jason's wrists where he'd held him. He felt sick. Risking leaving Jason alone for a moment, he ran to the bathroom and began to scrub his hands down with fervor; trying to wash off the feel of Jason's desperate body under his own weight. 

He came back to the bedroom, grabbed his phone, and dialed. When it picked up, Dick didn’t bother with formalities, "Tim, we need the antidote."

"Dick, we're working on it as fast as we can." Tim's voice was tired with a hint of worry. 

"I know you're doing the best you can, it's just…it's getting worse." Dick's own worry leaking into the last part. 

"It's not going to get any better. We've identified some part of Scarecrow’s fear toxin in the mix. Neither of you are in for a pleasant night." 

Dick was about to ask more about which fear toxin he was working with, but suddenly Jason began to whimper again. "I've gotta go. Get the antidote over to us as soon as you have it," Dick practically yelled. 

He'd feel bad about being so short with Tim later. Right now, his focus was on Jason and he settled in for another round of restraining him through his terror.


	2. Chapter 2

Five _agonizing_ hours later, Dick heard a commotion in the kitchen.

“You’re just delaying our progress, Drake. I should have been the one to deliver it”

“Oh yeah? And just how were you going to carry everything?”

Dick could practically hear Damian’s chin jut out stubbornly, “I would have managed.”

The owners of the voices finally reached the bedroom and Dick understood the conversation he’d overheard. Both Damian and Tim were laden down with boxes and gear. Damian was still in his Robin uniform, but Tim had changed into civies. Tim was walking with a pronounced limp. As the pair set everything down, Dick questioned, “What’s with the limp, Tim?”

“He became distracted during patrol by a girl,” Damian responded.

Dick raised an eyebrow expectantly at his second brother. Tim rolled his eyes as he set about unpacking the stuff they’d brought. “I was not distracted. I was trying to help her out of harm’s way, and got caught by an unexpected blow to the ankle.”

He remained focused on setting up the gear they’d brought, but a slight pink tinge had presented on his cheeks. Dick heard Damian’s disapproving ‘tt’ as he cleared off the nightstand and set down some type of machine. Dick’s face turned up into a half smile as he watched his brothers work in an almost synchronized fashion despite their continued bickering.

But his small moment of joy was quickly snatched away as he heard Jason moan. Everyone froze for a half a second, before Dick moved to Jason’s side. The other two followed close behind, but Dick held up a warning hand to wait. The seconds ticked by tensely, Dick coiled and ready to spring. When nothing else came from Jason, Dick relaxed and let out the breath he’d been unconsciously holding.

Tim spoke first into the silence, eyeing Dick critically, “I take it, that’s not how that typically ends.”

Dick sat down onto the corner of the bed, shoulders sagging as he nodded his head, “He usually thrashes so badly that I need to restrain him.”

For once, Damian seemed at a loss for a retort; Jason’s aversion to restraints had become common knowledge among them. Tim placed a gentle hand on Dick’s shoulder, “It’s okay, Dick. You were doing what was necessary.”

Dick didn’t look up, “It doesn’t make it any easier.”

He felt a second, smaller hand on his knee, “Todd will be fine.” Damian said with a curt nod. He didn’t exactly look comfortable with the human contact.

Dick was forced to appreciate the gesture, knowing how far it was pushing Damian’s comfort level. He tried to arrange his features into a collected smile “I’m sure he will.” He looked around at the machinery that had been set up. “What exactly is the plan, anyway?” he questioned.

Tim shifted uneasily, “Well you said to hurry, and this was the fastest solution we could find.” He was grinding his foot into the carpet in a way that would have been comical if Dick wasn’t so concerned.

“Tim?” Dick’s brow creased, “What’s the solution?”

Tim took a fortifying breath, “Well we couldn’t isolate the toxin completely, so we weren’t able to create a complete antidote. The best thing we could come up with was to flush out his bloodstream entirely in order to remove the poison.” The words rushed out all at once, as if saying them quickly would make the process less difficult.

Dick looked closer at the equipment that had been set up and it dawned on him. “You mean,” he began slowly “you want to put him through dialysis?” The defeated hang of Tim’s head was all the confirmation Dick needed. “Are you crazy? He’d have to remain still enough to not rip the IVs out of his arm. Do you know how long dialysis takes!?”

“Four hours,” Tim responded evenly, looking up to make eye contact. “Yes, Dick, I know. But I’m telling you, this is the only solution we have.”

Dick was brought up short. Of course Tim had considered the timeline. Dick was certain if he said this was the solution, then it was their best option. He trusted the kid with his own life, he should trust him with Jason’s as well.

Shaking his head, he said, “I’m sorry Tim. I shouldn’t have yelled. It’s just been a long night already.” Dick would have to pull himself together if they were going to make it through the next few hours. Looking between Tim and Damian he asked, “Where can I be the most help?”

They settled on a rotation. One person would monitor the dialysis machine, one would monitor vitals, and one would stand guard ready to hold down Jason if needed. Miraculously, the first two hours passed without incident. Jason stirred a few times, but nothing came of it. Halfway into their third hour, however, Jason’s cries turned into movement.

Tim and Dick, who were carefully keeping track of their respective machines, looked up instantly. Without hesitation, Damian dutifully leapt onto his renegade brother to try to keep him still. But despite his efforts and training, Jason’s bulky form quickly overtook Damian’s attempts to prevent him from moving.

Tim made a move to help, but Dick was faster. “Keep monitoring everything!” Dick yelled over Jason’s screams. “Damian! Handle his legs!” he ordered as he threw himself over Jason’s torso. Latching onto the arm with the IVs, Dick drove all of his weight into Jason’s chest and prayed it would be enough. “God, Jason, please! _Please!_ ” Dick pleaded as his hands tightened their grip on Jason’s wrist. He wasn’t even sure what he was begging for anymore. For Jason to wake up? For him to stay still? For Jason to forgive him for not being fast enough? He didn’t know.

“Dick, focus!” It was amazing, even monitoring both the machine and vitals, Tim could see when Dick was starting to zone out. The kid was seriously talented at multi-tasking.

Dick re-doubled his efforts of ensuring the IVs stayed in place. It was as if the last bit of poison was fighting particularly hard to torture Jason’s subconscious; to make sure it truly made a lasting impression. Jason’s screams were ear-piercing and even with Damian’s help holding his legs, Jason’s strength threatened to overpower Dick.

“Can’t we tranquilize him?!” Dick looked desperately over at Tim, but Tim resolutely shook his head.

“It could interact with the remaining toxin.” His face was scrunched up in concentration as he furiously made notes from one of the machines, “We risk undoing all of our work.”

Dick allowed himself a frustrated growl, before turning back to Jason. “Please, Jaybird, just a little bit longer. Please hold on for me,” he begged.

_Finally_ Jason’s movements began to lessen. His screams morphed into sobs and, eventually, silence. Dick could feel the exhaustion wash over him as he loosened his hold. He’d been up for over forty-eight hours and had eaten very little in that time.

He was able to get off of Jason and stand back up on the floor before his knees gave out and betrayed his exhaustion. “Tt, Grayson, you’ve been neglecting your own health,” Dick felt a small arm wrap under his arm and successfully maneuver him to a chair.

Although Damian put on a good show of annoyance, Dick could see that even he was shaken by the episode they’d just witnessed. They might not all get along, but they were still family. Watching one of their own suffer was upsetting, no matter how many years of training they had.

“We’ve only got about 15 minutes left,” Tim said, still focused on the machine in front of him. “The poison should be almost entirely out now. Why don’t you take some rest?”

Dick’s body latched onto the word rest and his eyes started to close. “No,” he said shaking his head to clear off the fatigue. “I should be here when he wakes up. Besides, we don’t know what could happen in those last 15 minutes.” He stood up, hoping that would stave off the sleep trying to overtake him.

Tim rolled his eyes, “And people say I’m stubborn about sleep.” He walked over to check the vitals monitor, “Look, you can stay up for the last few minutes of this, but after that, you need sleep. You can do it right in that chair, if it makes you feel better.”

Dick was finding it difficult to form full sentences, let alone compelling arguments. He gave in with a weary nod and sat back down on the chair.

Trusting Dick would hold up his end of the bargain, Tim glanced over to where Damian stood. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was glaring sharply at Dick. He clearly did not approve of his older brother’s martyr-like dedication. Dick could practically feel the daggers. “I’m fine, Little D. Besides, you would do the same if it were me on that bed.”

“Tt,” Damian hesitated as he searched for a way to keep from admitting Dick was right. “But I would at least have the sensibility to eat before I fell over,” he finished with an accomplished nod.

“To that end,” came Tim’s voice from behind a monitor, “why don’t you risk hunting through the kitchen and seeing if there’s anything edible that hasn’t already expired.”

“I am not a manservant, Drake.” In truth, it was a milder response than Dick had been bracing for. Damian must have been worried enough about Dick’s caloric intake that he didn’t feel like putting up more of a fight. Regardless of his words, Damian turned on his heels and made his way to the kitchen.

Tim shook his head, a small smile crossing his face. But Dick watched it quickly dissipate as Tim walked over to inspect the IVs in Jason’s arm. “The treatment’s finished. I think we’ve done everything we can.” He slowly removed the IVs and placed a bandage over the two openings. “We’re just going to have to wait it out until he regains consciousness.”

Dick was too exhausted to come up with a response. Instead, he gave a shallow nod and then moved to rest his head on the back of the chair. Staring up at the ceiling, he waited, refusing to give into the ever-growing desire to close his eyes.

With a sigh Tim walked over to Dick’s chair and squatted down, “Dick, you can take some down-time now. He’s stable. There’s nothing more you can do for him.”

He knew it was true, but it didn’t stop him from forcing his eyes to stay open. “This was my fault, Tim,” He kept his eyes up; he couldn’t bear to look Tim in the eye as he admitted it. “I was the one who was playing games during patrol. I was the reason we were too distracted to notice the leftover guy.”

He could feel Tim shift uncomfortably. Everyone knew Dick had tendency to make quips and joke while on patrol. “Look, Dick, I’m not going to say don’t blame yourself, but you can’t undo it now. The best thing you can do is be around for him when he wakes up.”

“He’s not going to want to talk to me,” Dick could feel tears stinging his eyes. “I know he’s going to hate me for this. For forcing him to re-live whatever’s been torturing him.” Dick ground the palms of his hands into his eyes, “I fucked up the relationship we started with him.” He let his frame sag forward as he ran his hands almost deliriously through his hair, “I can’t stand to have him walk out on the family another time. I can’t. Not when we just got him back.” Dick’s eyes were wide and focused on a future only he could see, “I can’t, Tim. I can’t.”

Tim shook Dick’s shoulder’s firmly, “Dick, you’ve got to stop. You’re sleep deprived, you’re hungry. This is your brain making the situation worse than it is.”

Dick looked up, “Tim, you know him. He’s-“

“Yes, I know,” Tim held up a hand to silence Dick’s next protest. “He’s closed off, quick to anger, and reluctant to play by our rules. But he’s been doing that, he’s been playing by the rules. He has actively sought us out to patrol with him.” Tim looked at Dick, “He wants to be here. He wants to be a part of this family again.”

Apparently, Dick’s brain wasn’t done self-flagellating, “But I could have done better, I could have kept him safe. He didn’t need to go through this!”

Tim shook his head, a sigh that was filled with both pity and vexation escaped him, “Dick, he knew the risks of going out on patrol. We all do, every time we go out.”

“Yes, and even with your incessant babbling, Grayson,” Damian chose this time to enter back into the room, “we’re still safer paired up on patrol than going solo.” He’d clearly been listening to the conversation the entire time. He set down an armful of snacks and produced a carton of orange juice accompanied by three glasses.

Dick gratefully took the glass that was handed to him, “Thanks, Dami.”

“Your kitchen is a disgrace. Alfred would be mortified to learn you live in such conditions,” Damian said as he poured the juice into Dick’s outstretched cup.

“I think he already has some idea,” Dick brought the cup up to his lips with shaky arms and drank. Even the small amount of liquid was enough to be helpful. He could feel his blood sugar rising back to normal levels. And with the reassurances from his two brothers, he finally felt a small amount of relief go through him. Maybe he wouldn’t lose Jason. Maybe his family could stay whole.

Dick’s eyelids finally lost their battle with gravity as he shifted to lay his head back against the chair. Someone took the glass from his hands, judging by the ‘tt’ he heard, it was Damian. He was almost sure he managed a garbled ‘Thank you’ before he was consumed by sleep.

 

The next thing he remembered was hearing Jason groan. Instantly, Dick’s eyes opened and he launched himself out of the chair to Jason’s side. Had Tim’s treatment failed? He couldn’t stomach another round of watching Jason’s agony. He looked desperately for Tim or Damian, but neither were in sight. With sickening dread, Dick realized he’d have to endure this alone.

He readied himself, his hands hovering just above Jason’s wrists. When Jason let out another groan and moved his left hand up to his head, Dick grabbed hold of his wrist. Suddenly, Dick’s jaw was stuck by a forceful blow. His head snapped back and he landed on his ass with a thump.

“What the fuck?!” Jason roared, leaping out of the bed, fists swinging like the survivor he was.

The pain of his jaw took second priority as Dick registered that Jason was not only awake, but strong enough to stand. “Jay!” Dick jumped off the floor where he had landed and bounded towards him.

Before he could encase Jason in a hug, Jason’s hands stopped him. “Did you,” he was trying to slow his breathing, “did you just grab me?” his eyes screamed murder.

Dick backed off immediately, “Jay, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I thought you were having another nightmare.”

Tim and Damian had emerged. Tim’s hair was wet, like he had just come from the shower, and Damian was trying to surreptitiously rub sleep out of his eyes. Jason took in the sight before him. Glancing at the machinery and their cautious faces, it was clear when he pieced together what had happened.

Dick knew Jason was feeling vulnerable and on display: two things he abhorred. Dick tried to improve the situation by taking the focus off Jason. He turned to Tim and Damian, “We’re okay. Sorry if we startled you guys.”

“It’s no big deal,” Tim was always quick on the uptake, “I was just coming in to ask you about lunch, anyway.” Even though it was clear that hadn’t been his trajectory, Dick appreciated the attempt to normalize the situation all the same.

Jason rolled his eyes, “Jeez guys, you’ve got to get better at lying. It’s embarrassing, especially for people trained by the Bat.” Everyone turned their gaze back to Jason. “And stop looking at me like I’m going to fall down. I’m fine.”

Tim made a move towards Jason, “You were out for quite a bit of time. We should really check you over to make sure-“

‘I said I’m fine!” Jason’s nostrils flared and Tim receded. “Just find me a fresh set of clothes,” he grumbled as he forced his way through the group and out onto the fire escape.

Dick looked to Tim for suggestions, “You should be the one to talk to him, Dick. We all know he’s not going to be very willing to talk about it, but if he is, you’re the one he’s most likely to open up to.”

With a resigned nod, Dick started towards the window. He was stopped by Damian’s short figure holding out a neatly folded set of clothes. “They looked to be about Todd’s size and appeared to be clean,” he said as he handed off the t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Thanks, D,” Dick said, resisting the urge to ruffle the kid’s hair. He knew it would likely earn him a karate chop to the ribs.

“He’s probably going to be hungry, too,” came Tim’s voice from the kitchen. He wandered over with some boxes of take-out and cutlery. “We ordered some while you were out,” he said as he passed the items over to Dick.

“Thanks. I appreciate it,” Dick said. Then he took a deep breath and made his way out to the fire escape.

Jason was sitting, legs crossed, but with his knees hugged to his chest. It wasn’t his usual posture that screamed “come at me, I dare you”, this was protective, defensive. Somehow he’d managed to locate a cigarette and was midway through a drag when Dick stepped out.

“You lose the coin toss?” Jason let out the smoke he’d taken in.

“It was rock, paper, scissor, actually,” Dick said, aiming for humor instead of honesty.

Jason snorted and took another drag. Dick sat down next to him, but was careful to make sure their bodies didn’t touch. He handed over the clothes, “I think these will fit you, although the shirt might be a bit tight.”

Jason set the cigarette down and took the clothes from Dick. He silently removed his shirt and swapped it for the fresh one. Then he picked up the cigarette and continued his silent observation of the city below them.

Dick swallowed. This was going to take some serious effort, that is, if Jason was even going to open up to him in the first place. “Tim ordered food,” he opened up the containers. “I think this one’s Schezuan chicken, and this one’s sweet and sour pork.”

Jason held out a hand, not removing his gaze from the city. “Pork,” he said.

Dick handed it over and started in on his own food. Ten minutes in, and the silence was eating away at him. “Look, Jay, I’m sorry about what happened on patrol.” Jason looked up, his face unreadable. “I shouldn’t have…it was my fault. I was distracting, being careless. I should have been paying better attention.”

He babbled on, while Jason’s face went from blank to confusion and then slowly to anger. “Are you shitting me?” he finally interrupted. Dick went silent. “You’re feeling guilty about all this? What the hell, Dick?”

Dick was confused. He’d been prepared for a lot of reactions, but this wasn’t one of them. “Look, what happened on patrol was bad. But it’s nothing we didn’t all sign up for. I should have been watching just as much as you,” He shook his head to stop the protest he could see bubbling up from Dick’s lips. “You can’t hold yourself responsible every time one of us goes down when we’re on patrol with you. You’ll go crazy. So knock it off.”

“But-“

“No! I don’t want your guilt. It’s unwarranted. Stop fucking beating yourself up.” Looking at Dick’s continued expression of contrition he waved his hand dismissively, “You’re forgiven, if that’s what you need to hear.”

Dick could tell Jason meant it, but his posture still hadn’t come out of its defensive state. Which meant Jason was still holding onto something. If it wasn’t over Dick’s actions, it must be over the nightmares. God, Dick had really been hoping Jason wouldn’t remember them when he woke. He took a deep breath and hoped he was headed in the right direction.

“Do you want to talk?” Dick started hesitantly, “I’m here to listen, if you do.” Jason didn’t look up from his food. He didn’t even give an indication that he’d heard Dick. Dick assumed that was a big fat ‘no’, and went back to his own food, slightly defeated.

But after about twenty minutes, Jason spoke, “It’s just,” he said so softly Dick almost didn’t catch it, “I don’t get it.”

Dick tried, unsuccessfully, to casually put his food down so he could pay full attention. “What don’t you get?” he pressed gingerly.

Jason let out a small huff, “It’s been so long. So long since Joker did what he did to me.” He was stirring his take-out needlessly. “Why does it still bother me? Why is it the first place my mind goes when I start to panic?”

Dick’s heart squeezed in grief. Jason was rarely open about his death. And he usually elected to push everyone away when they tried to help. “Jason,” Dick gently placed his hand on Jason’s “there’s no expiration date on trauma. You’re allowed to continue to feel the way you do. There aren’t any rules.”

“Well what if I’m tired of it?” Jason threw his food down on the metal fire escape. “What if I just want to be done with it?”

Dick wasn’t fazed by Jason’s anger, “I’m sorry, Jay, I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Well,” Jason was coming up short on words, “Well…that’s just stupid.”

Dick shot him a half-smirk, “Very eloquently put.” He could see the fight leaving Jason as his posture finally started to relax.

“Shut up,” Jason gave Dick a shove, but without much force. “Fine, I’ll just keep waiting it out. But I don’t have to like it!” he added. He seemed to recognize he was starting to sound like Damian judging by the small amount of embarrassment that crossed his face.

Dick chuckled softly, “No one’s saying you do.” He waited until Jason looked at him, “But we’ll all be there to help you along the way.”

Jason rolled his eyes, but a slight smile had crept onto his face, “Jeez, Dickie, don’t be so sentimental. You sound like a 90’s sitcom.”

Dick laughed and placed his head on Jason’s shoulder, so happy just to see his brother open up, “Love you, Little Wing.”

“Good god, you are such a dork,” was Jason’s response. But Dick didn’t mind, he knew that was pretty much the closest he was going to get to hearing Jason express any love-based sentiment. He would take what he could get.

 

The rest of the night passed by pleasantly. The girls took over patrol that evening so the boys could recuperate. Dick insisted on treating the evening like a sleepover, complete with a movie and pizza. Everyone else griped, but gave in, nonetheless.

They argued about what movie to watch, which pizza toppings to have, and where everyone would sleep. But Dick didn’t mind. His brothers were all in one spot, and his family felt whole again.

Jason fell asleep first, still drained from his ordeal. Damian followed shortly after, curled up on the other side of the couch. “ _Was the kid part cat?_ ” Dick mused to himself. He was contentedly seated between the two and stretched his legs out in front of him to try to catch some sleep.

He glanced over to where Tim was sitting in the easy-chair. He was still awake, leafing through a case file he must have brought along. He glanced up when he felt Dick observing him. It was a quiet moment of comfort and understanding between the two.

Tim went back to his reading, “You and Jason both owe a dollar to the swear jar,” he said just loud enough for Dick to hear.

Dick chuckled and moved to rest his head against the back of the couch. “Will do, Timmy,” he said, before falling into a contented sleep.


End file.
